Which path to take

Wrote this three years ago... it just got worse, since then...clearly I've been dealing with such loneliness and isolation for years. And the road ahead is so so so long I just constantly feel weary and scared. I have to make my decision final, later if not sooner.

I am reading The Road Less Travelled by Sott Peck. It's quite an amazing book, telling me things I already know but I always forget. I am now along the 'Love' chapter and I am learning a lot. I am starting to understand my own everyday angst.

When I fell in love with my husband, I thought he would be someone I would be sharing everything with -- all my thoughts, feelings, dreams, fantasies. Everything. When we got married, I even got my hopes higher and higher, especially when he would spoil me and shower me with his attention. But two years to the marriage and a 7-month-old kid, all my hopes sometimes dwindle, seem elusive. We have grown farther apart. I don't know how that happened. All I know right now, is that, we both have left each other out in the cold. Reaching out seems to be more and more difficult job, everyday. There are some needs that are not met. Emotional and sexual for the most part. I know that, I can feel that, I am aware of that. But I don't know what to do.

I want to stay in love with him. I don't want us to drift apart and let things wither without doing anything. I want to keep loving him. But these days, I find it hard to do that. I am so full of resentments, so full of words unsaid in my heart and they are building up. I always find myself wishing for someone else. And I hate that. I don't want any of that. I want to stay faithful to him. All I do right now is try and remember that day when I said my vow to him before God, that Day of February 14, 2004. Somehow it is helping. Somehow.