My brain is an ocean of thoughts. Oftentimes I keep them to myself as I don't trust others to understand what I think about, or feel for that matter. Keeping it to myself means writing them down in a journal, enjoying the catharsis of it, reading them again later, and learning from my own foibles.
Is someone reading me? Is someone out there feeling the same array of emotions I've been struggling with? I wish to know. This total silence is too frightful for me right now. At least for now. I'm throwing this collection into the internet bin. I wish some hankering emotional ragamuffin would rummage through this and find me. All the crazy thoughts and emotions that I am. I want to know there's someone out there also lost in the forest of pains. Just want to know I'm not alone.
I'm pretty sure there is still somewhere inside me that's unharmed, not pained at all. I want to take the route back and dwell in there. There's a time in my life, when I lived without him in my life. I want to go back to that time, just so I won't be too dependent on him all the time.
I hate having to feed on other people's happy emotions. I have to strive to be happy again, all by myself. Without the aid of some false comforts. That's just plain pathetic.
I guess I will have to start from scratch, yet again. I'm gonna make it this time.
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