CLEANING OUT THE DUST?

This place is so full of dust and dirt and whatnot. I am too tired from a very long trip to do a huge amount of cleaning. I am too delicate to sleep on this great mess either. But this sure still smells and looks so much like a home to me. I still like this from any other homes I have tried building. The touch, the smell, the way everything is arranged, all the paintings on the wall that tell of the naked emotions I was never too restrained to tell.

I left this abode never wanting to come back. I left so hurt and yet so determined to move on with the life I have actually been so determined to start. I left, never thinking was I really ready to leave this secret behind? All the unfinished stories I kept starting? All the lyrics waiting for their melodies?

Obviously I wasn’t ready. I am still the coward, unsure traveler that I am. I guess the wanderlust I feel so constantly in my heart is born out of the great love I kept waiting on my doorstep to appear – yes, maybe I am just too arrogant to admit that I’d rather almost always decide to go and never wait at all. Because what joy is there to sit by the window and wish forever? What dignity is there to cry without knowing how to name the tears?

Nevertheless I have discovered many new things in my journey. And even if I keep leaving and coming and leaving again, I know it’s just all about me and how I want my heart to rest.

I swear indi na ko mag dugang pa sa imo mga problema kag gina dala subong. You know me kon ga promise ko. I mean it and I do it. And no, I am not abandoning ship right now. Indi ko gusto mag gwa nga selfish sa pag tapos naton nga duha. Antuson ko ni subong tanan, tanan tanan, abuse, pahog, buyayaw. Hulaton ko asta makuha mo mga bata mo. Buligan ta ka nga makuha mo mga bata mo. Buligan ta ka nga ma plastar mo tanan liwat kabuhi mo. I will beg God to rebuilt everything for you. By then, dra na ko malakat.