Problem is I fell in love with you way too fast. I was there before I knew it, trembling with emotions I didn't get to know before. But it was just me. I felt like I have been loving you from afar for too long already. It was just me staring at a vast expanse of dreams and realities mixed in frenzied yet blissful confusion. How could I paint all these in words anyway, when all I know is to love you and be hurt by the things that you never get to know. I never dared hope for anything from you at all. Right from the start I chose to believe that you're all about an inconsistently fleeting moments like the sun that knows nothing but to rise and fall.

And so I built a picket fence around me, adorned with beautifully thorn-riddled ornaments of pretense. I thought could never let you in. You bring pain with you. And You couldn't care less. Asking me to trust you is a such a chore. I feel I am safe inside my fence.

I used to think I will be like this for as long as I still feel something for you. Then again, will these feelings even go away? Where will all this bring me? I wish I can just say I'll stay here anyway... until such time...

The more that you're in love like that with me, the more that I come close to despairing. I cannot embrace that, all of those that you call love. I wish you'll save something for yourself, something which you can call your own. Because in this life, nothing could be certain. No one could stay forever. We may grow old together, yes, even if we would be apart. But one of us has to go ahead. Why make more memories to cry over when we're old and alone anyway? I wish I can see things from your perspective.

I wish I am the little girl again, dreamy and hopeful. There is a lot to hope for when it comes to us sharing a life together. So many beautiful things can happen out of it. If only we won't need to hide.

I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of sneaking. I hate that little dark place already. It stares at me like a dark sinister night that hides monsters and demons ready to take on me...

Among a million love stories in the world I know ours is not one of a kind. So many others cry the same tears like ours, and mourn the same deaths our hears endure almost each time the sun sets. But for me, what makes it one a kind is that our hearts have the ability to reincarnate, each moment after dying to the pains that the rest of the world never knows. We love so much more that what we can only contain. I still and will forever wonder how such feelings could come alive in our hearts as cold as the graveyard.

If only fate was much kinder to us. If only back then our roads have crossed and showed us the way to where we are right now. If only I believed there’s such a thing as true love.
But what are we? What are you? Are you true love? Are you even real? Can you really love me that much? Can you really stay that way forever?

I want to believe you. Because I am tired of getting scared all my life. I’m tired of being lonely and alone. Before I thought I was happy. That because I knew no better. We knew no better. Now that we have found each other, all of a sudden there is melody in the rain. We hear the sun sighs as it sets. There is orchestra at dawn break. If all these aren’t because of love, then I don’t know what else they are.

Whenever you hold my face and look at me as if your whole life depended on my eyes, I come alive inside, so alive like a flower blooming to its fullest. If only I can freeze the moment and hold it in my heart forever. The more that I see you, the longer that I spend time with you, the more that I become so impatient to want to be with you all the time. There is so much in your loving me that makes me want to stay awake forever and feel you rushing through my veins. Breathing the air next to you becomes a privilege, a treat, a gift. There is so much about us being together that gives me hope that one day, indeed, our love will make everything possible.

But after each moment, after the fire has died down, after living the dream in fleeting moments, I go home lonely, with the gnawing emptiness inside. I am still broken. I am still hurting. I am still alone. and I would wake up in the middle of the night, crying… and never knowing why.