distract me?

I was talking to one of my two therapists over the weekend. After intently listening to me for an hour, crying, ranting, and gulping in some tonic, he told me “You know what, I think you don’t need a husband in the first place. You need an intellectual partner…and a sexual partner.”

I was struck by that. That made me think more and frustrate myself more, anyway. But I am willing to look into that possibility. I am hoping to get some answers in the next few days.

I went to hole up somewhere for the full two days. I regretted not having my laptop with me, but nevertheless it was a great help not being able to write anything while in that wilderness. It allowed me time to breathe in the breeze. The smell of the sugarcane field hushed my battered resolve. I cannot really say that it helped to gain back my tenacity, but at the least, it made me rest in the knowledge that I still have it in me to live the next 10 minutes of my life. I had the temptation of texting him, but the signal was intermittent. It didn’t piss me off, like it would usually do. I thought that should spare me from disappointment. He likes to snub me especially on weekends when he’s busy with wifey and daughter.

I went back to the hassle and bustle and showed up at a party I initially turned down. There's something in the gaudy world that muffles my faint cries. They all wowed at my little black dress, silver shoes, and red toenails. If not for the disturbing eye bags, they said Alessandra de Rossi could move over. I drank in all their lurid attention like a witch downing a concoction of a magic spell. I think I should try and go out more often.

I need some distraction.