I feel so cold right now. And so alone. and so scared. I wish there is a way where you can be there for me all the time. But nobody can actually do that to anyone. And the more that I cling to you, the more that I find it difficult to let go.

Our situation is difficult, but not impossible. That's what I try to think every time I feel so hopeless this way. But deep inside of me I feel it is, indeed, an impossible situation.

Many times I feel that lingering and forever hoping things could work out for us, is such a criminal waste of time. Where are we heading anyway? Don't you think ours is such an embarrassing audacity to stick to what we feel and yet swim in our own putrid blood? How can we hold on to something so intangible?

I love you. But I am dying from each heartbeat.