The other night I was talking about getting a divorce abroad, living a new life there, and getting married again. He resented it. He said that simply shows that he is not enough. He said it hurts him every time I talk about moving on with my own life.
But is there any other way for me? Clearly I cannot have him for myself. If my own marriage isn’t working, and if I choose to move on, I still wouldn’t be free to choose to be with him. He is making me happy. He is enough, more than enough for me. I can live a life of obscurity and still feel so complete and contented, as long as we’re together. But by ‘together’ I mean ‘us’. Just ‘us’. And that cannot be possible in any way.
Until when can we stay this way? Thinking about each other all the time, wanting, desiring. going out discreetly once in a while to try and stave off our hunger for each other. And back to our own separate lives by the end of each day…
He wants me to stick around. For things to be the way they are right now. Many times he would say ‘till I grow old’… Indeed I want us to grow old together. Indeed I would be happy to look forward to older years, when we would be smiling over these present pains, when we will still be sharing the same thoughts, same dreams, same wants, all the stupid, silly coincidences that have brought us together.
I wonder will they ever make sense…
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