I can start anew. I will be broken. But I can start anew.
I cannot trust anymore. That’s a new disease I’ve acquired. I cannot give myself away anymore. At least not completely.
I want to break free. I don’t want to be bound with promises and hopes and wanting to belong. Falling in love has brought me pains, more than joys when it’s supposed to be. How can love justify the tear-stained pillows every night?
I wonder what I will get out of the one month that I’ve given him. Definitely I am not hoping for anything anymore. I’m scared of being failed. Then again, this should be a team effort as he calls it…I don’t think I still have it, anyway. To endure? To fight against myself? To choose what is right? What are those things, anyway?
I would rather, that he hates me. That he gives up on me and our so-called love. It will just keep hurting me.
I guess I can only bleed so much…
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