I can't stop writing. Because I can't stop thinking. The more I think about what's been happening lately, the more that I want to write. Here, in the dark, in the secret of my heart, in my kind of existence unknown to others, I write, and talk about him. Just him. He is enough inspiration. My mind overflows with words and thoughts, real but unfortunately forbidden.
All I could think of is this madness. One moment, I'd wish this would never end. The next minute I'd snap back to my senses and consider a resolve. A lot of times I feel so damn stupid catching myself dreamy with thoughts of him. If only I can indulge in it freely. If only there is not a fence in between us.
I hope we can still be friends one day. I actually fear it won't happen at all. Why, with our relationship covered in lies and deception? Nevertheless, he is positive about it. He says this time, he won't disappear again, ever. And that we'd stick around till we grow old and gray.
I'd like to believe him...
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